Turn Your Thoughts God-ward

 Recently, I was observing my reflection in the mirror. I turned my face side to side so I could see the acne on my cheeks and jaw. I have spent too many minutes in years past doing exactly this, my eyes dwelling on each spot and my spirit wilting the longer I looked. Today was different: I saw my face through the eyes of someone seeing me for the first time, instead of through my own eyes, which were tainted with selfish despair over my imperfect skin. 

It was strange, but when I did that, my acne seemed such a stupid thing to care that much about. As I pondered my face, I had this thought:

I've had acne since I was thirteen. I've done everything under the sun (including leaving it completely alone) to try and heal my skin, both externally and internally. It's probably not going away anytime soon. And I don't know why, but maybe that's fine. I could have acne and be sad about it, or I could have acne and choose to continue being comfortable in my own skin. I would much rather live with the latter. So I'm alright with these spots on my face.

Later that day, after Riley came home from work, we were hanging out on the couch, and I told him these thoughts I'd had. He nodded his approval; he was pleased to see my growing peace about something that had plagued me with worrisome thoughts for many years. But after a beat, he added this:

"Be sure to turn these thoughts God-ward. The peace you have with your skin should be about Him and from Him; these thorns and thistles of this imperfect world are meant to draw you nearer to Him. You should be content with your skin, not because you chose of your own accord not to care, but because it is exactly the way God wills it to be right now."

(This is slightly paraphrased, as this conversation was several days ago, and I obviously can't recount what he said word for word. But this is the essence of what he told me.)

I am glad he said this to me. My thoughts in the bathroom mirror earlier that day were not incorrect, but they were lacking the core purpose of why I am to be content with my body and skin: my identity must be found solely in Christ and His steadfast love for me, not in my physical appearance. My responsibility is to be a good steward of the body He gave me, to take the best care of it that I can, because it is a gift from Him-- and I must trust Him with the outcome.

This is the part that always trips me: I make so many efforts to be a good steward of my body... and I expect that because I am trying so hard, I will be able to fix myself or heal myself or get exactly the results I am hoping for. 

But that is still an identity issue (sin!). In that case, my hope is still in the perfection of my body, not in the sovereign will of God. And, how silly of me to let some spots on my skin steal joy from my heart when there is so much to be deeply and humbly thankful for in these sweet but short days on Earth the Lord gives us!

 I need to let go of my craving for control and remember that my body will be perfect in Heaven. And will I even notice? I will be quite busy praising the Lord my God, in all His glory and majesty.

With that, I encourage anyone reading this to search out the things in your heart that have been plaguing you with worry or irritation. Ask yourself "why?" What gain is to be had from being consumed by yourself? Turn your thoughts God-ward; there is much peace to be found in Him. 

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

-1 Peter 5:6-7

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."

-Colossians 3:1-3

Have a lovely Monday!

Twenties

 Hiya!

I'm trying to practice taking advantage of significant thoughts I have throughout the day and putting words to them in the moment. 

Today's funny thought is a realization that I have quite frequently and probably will continue to have through the rest of my adult life: I'm in my twenties. I don't know why, but it seems such a strange fact still. Do any of you constantly feel younger than you actually are? I often feel like I'm seventeen still. But then I catch myself acting on the responsibilities and expectations of adulthood and it hits me that I have long since exited childhood. It can sometimes be a sad thought, but most of the time it is sweet: God led me to this place, and what a blessing it is to be alive! To be learning every day how to steward my own household! To have a car payment! To be less and less anxious with every phone call I have to make about my money and my teeth and my car! To enter an office every morning and turn on my computer! To put things on my calendar (and take them off, because sometimes yours truly is a little trigger-happy with all the things that may be added to a young person's calendar. Still learning how not to overbook us!)

I'm doing everything my five-year-old self would have played and pretended, in all her hours of imagination at home. I get to make dinner for my husband and myself! I get to clean my kitchen! I get to decorate my walls! I get to do my laundry and see someone else's clothes all tangled with mine! I get to bring home plants that I will soon accidentally kill and mourn! (I don't think I ever pretended to do that as a child. But it's wormed its way into my life; at least my wedding fern is alive and flourishing!) I get to make coffee whenever I want! I get to welcome my best friend and lover home every evening, with a smile and a long-awaited kiss. 

I really am rich. God, strike all discontentment from my heart! 

Many Words, Few Minutes

 Hello!

As you can see, I never got around to an August Gallery post. September came and went in a rush, and in the midst of everything, I gave myself permission not to worry about it. Life lately has included:

-the truck breaking down

-the new urgency to find another car (this was the last straw with that old moneypit) 

-the moving around of money and the budgetary finagling in order that we can afford a car payment

-a dental checkup in which nine cavities were revealed, after which a certain frazzled wife cried on the phone to a certain very levelheaded husband who assured the aforementioned wife that the money in savings is specifically saved for things like this and encouraged her not to take dental issues so personally (let it be known that the wife in question does in fact take very good care of her teeth and simply needs to stop grinding her teeth in her sleep)

-Two separate appointments to then get those cavities filled

-Continual haggling with my bank to try and finally get my funds over to Riley's bank so all our money can actually be in the same pot (I've been on hold for 12 years now and am starting to think I just need to go in person and figure things out)

-Riley going to the doctor with concerns of dizziness, occasional nausea, eye twitching and headaches (after a full physical, including a checkup on his thyroid, he is medically completely fine and has been told he is just stressed. So now, we just need to figure out how to get him to slow down, which has always been difficult for him) 

-My own car making weird sounds and a trip to the mechanic (it's only the spark plugs needing to be replaced, thankfully)

-All of our usual family/social functions 

-Probably some other things I'm forgetting about

It has been a very adult, very spendy few weeks. When it rains, it pours! But Riley is a wonderful, wise manager of our money; we are blessed with sufficient savings and have not fallen on hard times. It has been a strengthening, somewhat fun challenge to practice buying only what we need at the grocery store on Saturdays. And I find myself much calmer in this season than I thought I would be in seasons of "pouring rain"; doing all of this with a strong leader and partner (who also happens to be my best friend) has made things seem much easier. By the grace of God, we are laughing through it, tired as we may be!

And though the last few weeks have been challenging and fast-paced, our life is also full of:

-Soup and bread

-Laughter every day and night

-Cats that sit outside the screen door every morning as I make breakfast

-Coffee and cigar smoke

-Excellent movies and comforting sitcoms

-Daily digestion of God's word (which must be the highest of all these things)

-Many wonderful brothers and sisters (both biological and blood-bought)

-A thrilling scent of approaching autumn in the air, the sun shining just a little differently, the trees beginning to drop a handful of leaves

-About a thousand other blessings and mercies of which we are not deserving. God is good!

I've come to realize that, while I am a "working woman", I may have to be content with a looser grasp on this blog. I have limited minutes every day; 480 of those minutes are spent working for the school, and when I come home, my laptop is certainly not the first place I go. Someday, when I can leave the workforce and stay at home, I may be able to carve out actual time every day to write a little and keep this up more frequently. But for now, it takes me multiple days to finish one short post, and that's alright! It's what I am afforded, and I am happy with it. 

With that, thank you for reading, and I'll see you in the next post, whenever that happens to be!