Ages and Ages

 .... and AGES!

That's how long it has been since I last wrote anything on here, and recently I've been noticing my own absence from the page. I still write; I scribble in various journals I keep in various areas of my home and spaces. But jotting down thoughts is different from writing something meant to be read. None of what I throw down in sloppy cursive in those books is meant to be seen by anyone except myself and God. Writing a blog post comes with the knowledge that at least ONE person will be partaking in these thoughts as well, and that requires a certain decorum and effort that I know is good for me to exercise.

I don't have a good segue, so here is a thing:

I got off Instagram. I get on once a week to check my messages, and usually scroll for about 20 seconds before realizing I haven't missed this at all and I am so much better off without it. That's when I exit my browser (because I deleted the app, so can only access Insta through Google) and go on my merry way. It feels wonderful to say, in full honesty, that I do not think about that place or wish I was there even one bit throughout my week. 

Funnily enough, before deciding I was done with it, I was still in the throes of addiction to it. Mind you, not nearly as bad as it could be- my screen time wasn't 6 hours a day or anything like that. But I could still feel it tugging me, every day. Every time I got on, there was never a good reason for me to be on there, and then I would spend 20 minutes swiping down and down and down into a rabbit hole of faces and trends and comparison and pride-- a place I hated more the further down I got, but couldn't leave no matter how conscious I was of my need to leave. It is amazing how poisonous 20 minutes can be. The whole day was then pierced with thousands of tiny pinpricks of the faces I'd seen, the advertisements I'd scrolled past, the ideas I'd been fed, the greed I'd witnessed, the sickness of screen addiction I'd seen displayed in every single desperate and lonely internet citizen I'd passed on my way down. I couldn't stop thinking about the state of things; the way everyone MUST put their lives online now; the way we can't live without entertainment anymore; the way I envied that vintage dress I saw in a video but had no way of obtaining; the way I hated the voices and mannerisms of those influencers, all seemingly clones of each other; the way I wanted so desperately not to be tangled with social media anymore but didn't know how to put it away. Twenty minutes a day was having an effect on me I knew would have consequences down the line, but somehow I always overrode that warning in my head just for the sake of a few seconds of entertainment (which inevitably turned into much more than just a few seconds). 

I don't really remember what fully woke me up, but one day I just decided, "I'm done with this. I'm not letting it control me anymore. I don't need it."

And I set my little boundary: check your messages once a week, maybe tap into someone's story if you're interested, and get off for another week.

And I began, and it was so easy.

Again, I do not know what clicked in my head. But I thank God that something did, because I feel much less sick and weary than I was.

The more of an adult I become, and the deeper into life my friends and I get, a certain feeling grows: everyone is tired of this. We are all realizing how futile this is. How much of a damaging distraction social media can be in the midst of a life we now must be so careful with. WE are now the ones with control over how we spend our time, and WE are the ones who pay the prices for wasting it away. We have things now that matter and drive us: being a loving and present spouse... working heartily... remembering to be in the Word each day... houses, babies, laundry, taxes, jury duty... and we are realizing how precious every minute is. We don't have any time to be wasted, because every second of it was a gift from God. 

Now that we're all married and living with our spouses and taking care of our own households, I think we're collectively realizing that such a distraction as short-form social media just has no place in our lives. I mean, I can't speak for all of my friends. But I've had many conversations with multiple girlfriends about this, and I seem to glean the same attitude from them all: we just don't want it in our lives anymore. 

It is ironic, because really the only way this blog reaches anyone's eyes is through Instagram. I'm not quite sure of another way to put the link out there.. if anyone has any ideas or expertise from their blogging days (if one of those ladies happens to be reading this... big chance) then by all means let me know, but for now I'll keep posting the link on my Instagram story, and perhaps someday I'll find out a way to get my posts into my friends' email inboxes or have my own domain or something. 

If you read my blog posts through those links I post, I just want you to know-- I'm glad you saw my link, and decided to take a gander at my thoughts and musings. 

And (this is very important), I want you to know I am not judging you for being on social media. I do not blame or look down on anyone for getting on Instagram every once in a while, even every day. I just think it's such a delicate thing to play with, and can easily become a cigarette for your eyes and brain. And if that has become the case for you, if it is what you turn to when silence settles, if you can't bear being alone with your thoughts anymore and are desperate for that distraction, I know what that feels like and I'm sorry you're in that spot. The beasts of short-form media platforms were bred to be addictive and seduce your brain into having "just a little more... just a liiiiiittle more". It's understandable. 

I urge you, my loved ones, to consider what of your life you are giving away in exchange for empty entertainment. It can be eye-opening to think of the actual minutes being spent on something that will add absolutely nothing to your one, short life. And remember the things you truly love to do! Hobbies, pursuits, interests. Things you could find a dozen books about at the library. Things you can do with your hands and enjoy the deep reward of holding something you created. (We were made to create, by the way, as a reflection of our own Creator's glory. So do it!) 

Hey, start a blog! I'd love to reignite the blog fire that burned so strong when my mom was in her twenties. She had so many online blogging friends and they all wrote so much, so beautifully. I love seeing the people I love pour out their hearts, whether it be through writing, music, art, crafts... I just love it and I want to see more of it. I know some wonderfully talented people. 

This has become a bit of a ramble, but I think it just felt good to write. Now that I've reclaimed some of my time and attention, I hope to avoid neglecting this blog for too long. (No promises though... I'm learning that no two weeks are ever the same! We have been so busy!)

Anyway! If you're here, I love you! Thank you for reading, as always. <3